When paths don't cross, but arrive late
by 221Beatsofmyheart
Summary: Remus and Sirius never met in high school and it's only until they meet at a reunion years later when they cross paths and open up to each other they find that they missed out on something more powerful than the both of them. I wrote this for the summerwolfstarwank 2013 for the prompt 'High school AU.'


High school reunion invitations aren't easy to respond to Remus Lupin discovered. When Remus thought back to high school it was usually to pick a piece of knowledge up that he'd left behind or a teacher that had made it all worthwhile. Of course one teacher couldn't do that all by his or her self so Remus's thoughts when it came to that period of his life as dark but optimistic. That was how he handled the letter when it came. His dark thought was that it simply boiled down to not having anybody to meet there. He had known virtually no one and the ones that he had didn't know him. Remus hadn't changed much for himself since then and it was still very much how he worked. It was in his anatomy. Being older than what was desirable Remus Lupin had more of an inkling to take risks. A high school reunion didn't have to be a reunion at all and he could easily make it as a breeding ground to finally discover who they really were or perhaps ease his mind that there was nothing else he could have possibly done. He already knew that wasn't true. Remus Lupin hardly threw anything away.

He still had it; his old school bag. A leather thing. In it he'd kept a camera. The camera was empty now. His old self would never let images sit in a camera. He usually had to have them developed almost immediately. He didn't have friends. That's not why he had the camera but it was a hobby: to take photographs of people. Not people he wanted to be friends with but rather, everyone who felt like a subject. The only way that Remus made it through high school was to convince himself that the moments he captured, moments of vulnerability proved to him that he was never alone in what he was feeling although actions made him so. The matters of the teenage mind was different and Remus only needed a spark of imagination to keep his high school flame burning long after it had happened. He never even considered it a bad experience until a while into his college days and even then it was very clouded so he convinced himself that his perception wasn't clean anymore and anything that he did think was always untrustworthy.

He would go to the reunion. He didn't think his curiosity would forgive him if he did. Although high school had been, at times, the worst time of his life he had been relatively left alone but he had never been able to figure out whether that had been a blessing or a curse, to be looked past rather than bullied. It didn't mean he was immune. He got the odd comment and rumour and he'd dated too and that boy's sense of privacy was not to be sought after. Remus had enjoyed himself. Growing up in a school library untroubled was rarely a rough deal and he didn't attempt anything extra curriculum apart from workshops that he was asked to hold after school for a class full of faces that changed. When they grew up they no longer looked at him as if he could know it all to help them with questions or tutoring but with 'get out of my way' glares. Remus had no problem with getting out of the way but he'd rather know that social changes weren't permanent. And the people he'd meet at the reunion weren't going to be using them anymore unless they are automatically revived. That was a possibility, and Remus felt that he might become a victim to his old tricks. He was quite intolerable when he did that. But he had some questions he owed to himself and for anyone who had slipped his radar, that someone there was a missed opportunity that he could amends for in his older age.

Sirius Black received the letter but he knew what it was before he read it. He knew that logo and it still made him feel like it was letter addressed to his parents about his behaviour rather than addressed to him. He urgently needed to toss it. His flat was extremely small. He couldn't put it down in fear of losing it so he was stuck with it all of the way to the chair on the other side of the room. High school reunion. Sirius Black laughed with watery blood shot eyes and a slow heart. What were they for? If there was anyone worth caring about you stuck with them after it. What use was a reunion if the people there didn't? Was Sirius supposed to give them flower necklaces and shot of something with a lemon for forgiveness or do himself in outside that he only managed to leave the shithole with one friend? His parents would enjoy it if he did that. James couldn't stunt it because James was no longer with them. Sirius promised himself that he wouldn't think about the funeral again. He wouldn't think about James's face and her certainly wouldn't think about cremation. James's would not have wanted that but Sirius had been too drunk and signing one too many forms. Sirius sobbed and reached too quickly for a bottle but it fell off the built-in kitchen surface and smashed.

Sirius wanted to search through the glass to cut himself and to lick the alcohol with his fingers. It was expensive and he couldn't live that long until his next paycheck. Why not give the graveyard party a whirl? he hoped there would be wine. If it came to searching through an old high school sweetheart's purse he'd consider it. Sirius had lost his love for life, how he used to french kiss it and take it to bed and how he could charm the socks off the entire world. Huge, smelly, James socks was how he imagined them all combined. After all, James had been his world and Sirius had been his. Sirius was afraid of turning up and jeopardising the image he left them on, the image he crafted. It was a bloody good one and he needed to revive his old tricks and sober up. It was like all his birthdays had come at once.

When Sirius arrived he knew that he never wanted it to end. It was great. Stuffy teachers were even there. Nobody had shaped up well enough for their faces not to be recognisable. He liked to think his had become more manly with genes like his own it wasn't likely but it was his devilishly youthful features was his unique selling point and it was like time had never left him. He didn't talk to anyone but he could sense a reaction. He'd had a look for the wine but the more he looked the less his heart was in it and he found himself not wanting it at all. Sirius wasn't there for that which was problematic because that's all he came in prepared for. the church hall where the reunion was based was a far cry from the high school they'd used to inhabit. They obviously couldn't book it and Sirius had a feeling it wasn't because it was in demand. Hell, the teachers probably heard that he was attending and opted out at the last minute. He couldn't take all of the blame - their year was rather rubbish and the reunion wasn't a soulful party that was for ruddy sure. There had to be somebody to call on. Somebody he'd flirted with? he looked to men and saw that they all carried wives on their arm. Sirius felt like vomiting.

This was not the world he'd expected. He'd made a mistake coming to this that anybody would share his strange concoction of young and old. He'd made a mistake buying in to crap that a reunion was to bond over similarities. It was clear that every person there was to point out their differences - get one up on each other. Most of them kept in touch. Those who didn't, weren't there. Sirius should be with them, should join them with a vigorous handshake and getting drunk until he vomited. It wasn't all bad, this high school reunion lark. It should have been but nobody made the effort. There was nothing dramatic. Not even an old quarrel or a death from the year to hang over the room. James had been a year above.

Remus found the church hall quite easily. He was surprised to find that he didn't have to walk for. The sign had fallen to hang down but Remus found that more inviting than if it was pristine. Remus walked in and every bit of emotional baggage that he brought in with him felt stolen. He was far from the loneliest man in the room. He found a seat in which to sit and hang his coat on shedding it to uncover his grey cardigan. That would ring bells if anyone knew him at all over the seven years that he spent at school. Remus assumed very quickly that the lonely at school were infinitely less so in this setting. The people he knew to have been relatively popular back then seemed to have crawled back into their shell. Remus felt that it was his duty to rally hope for them but he knew that if he so much as approached he would be assigned his status from school. It was ironic, but Remus didn't mind, that those people could live off the memory of what they were and not what they developed into. Remus understood the need to hold on. Remus had never felt that way with school except for his studies. He didn't want to leave, and to find that his comfortable intellect did not stretch beyond high school level. He had been wrong, but he understood it.

Remus had also never understood the need to come to a reunion exactly the same and hoping for re-acceptance. Reunions are there to change your image. Remus's image hadn't changed which is why he couldn't and he'd never taken acting glasses otherwise he really would have considered. He ordered a cup of steaming tea from the bar amidst strange looks and he took it back to his table smiling at everyone as he passed. That's one thing they hadn't seen much of. His smile. He could change that unfortunate detail. That was the joy of being more wise with years.

Sirius due to turning up early was quickly becoming restless. He felt paranoid and he felt dismissed. It was a conflict and he repelled it. He'd taken a paper plate and stacked it high and eaten it all. It had taken some time but not as much as he would have liked. He became an observer watching as former students carelessly dropped crumbs and chunks of food onto the floor over looking at photo albums and year books. Sirius wished that he was a dog and he could clean the damn mess up. He was a hypocrite as much as there was one because his flat resembled a rubbish tip so he didn't know why it bothered him so much but it meant that Sirius had to move. His feet took him to the other side. Crumbs were still being flung about. Sirius dropped to a chair opposite another. He selectively heard from across the room "Oh yes I've lost plenty of weight since then. Slim fast is a life savour, it really is." She'd been pretty once. Sirius had kissed her once or twice. Maybe more than that, he couldn't remember. He made an inhumane sound and mimicked what she'd just said.

Remus Lupin perfectly minding his own business until Sirius Black unexpectedly sat at his table eyebrows raised as he watched Sirius despair over the room. Remus couldn't say that he knew Sirius well, not even if he knew how to pronounce his name but he knew of him. He was sure he was not the only one. Sirius was wearing tight trousers and a leather jacket which was quite common when they had been teenagers. Remus had taken a lot of photos of Sirius because there had been many moments over the course of seven years that Remus had identified with Sirius's serenity and he'd often gotten shots Sirius all over things, caught in the act of being suspended multiple times and many, thoughtful candids that Remus had simpered over for years but he discovered was flamboyant acting. From then on he could never trust a shot of him again as much as they were favourites. From little Remus knew, Sirius had not dropped that habit.

Remus sipped his tea and put it down. Sirius raised it to his lips and took a sip after him. Remus felt like it could have been a moment where he was shocked but the action was good mannered and Sirius's mind was in a different place and he was probably unconscious of what did. Sirius looked frustrated. Remus was frustrated he couldn't extract any more information than that without asking. It was briskly drilled into him to never put his nose where it was not wanted but Sirius seemed to want it and Remus wanted it.

"I'm not going to comment about your abruptness but you should count yourself lucky that I don't have anyone sitting with me."

Sirius jumped. Sirius looked at the man he didn't know was there and that completely described his high school experience of him too. He'd never seen this person before. He looked amused. Amused at Sirius more than anything. Not because Sirius was funny but because Remus was looking deeper and found something Sirius wasn't aware he'd left open. He was foolproof and immaculate in that department. But Sirius enjoyed how watched he felt. Nobody had paid him a blind bit of attention since he came in through the door. Sirius remembered he'd taken the poor guy's tea. Poor wasn't the word.

"Sorry." Sirius said. "I'll get you another one. If you did have somebody sitting with you I'd tell them to take a hike. I suddenly like it here."

This time Remus was surprised and showed it with a hint of a smile. Was this man really flirting with him after five minutes sitting at the same table? Remus was a fool for thinking it. It was a friendly comment and nothing more. Remus was not under the impression that anyone could move that fast and even if he were Remus didn't seem like a suitable match and he hadn't even given his consent to be date material.

Remus's voice was full of humour. "I can suddenly tolerate you. But it's quite bizarre you're here, and not with your friends."

Sirius flicked his hand dismissively. "Friends."

Remus coiled slightly and he spoke carefully complimentary. "I remember you as very in-demand. I apologise if I'm wrong. For one of the few people that can have that, and have a level head I hoped it would be you it wouldn't be short-lived."

Sirius didn't say a sound and Remus felt his heart burn. He picked up a biscuit and put it back. "Well, you're very popular with me in this moment. I don't know if I can feel the void of all of those ghosts but I hope I can make up for sincerity because I can assure you once I start thinking something it never truly ends."

Sirius kept looking at Remus after he'd spoke and Remus shifted. Sirius enjoyed it. It felt like something he was allowed to do, like he was tapping into an abandoned hope or fantasy. Sirius liked the way Remus looked uncomfortable because Sirius felt like somebody needed to and he was making up for lost time and import memories that weren't intact. Where had Remus been all through high school? why couldn't Sirius place it? Sirius had enough negative circumstances over the last year to be angry about it. Angry that this soft-hearted person who he'd hardly let speak wasn't part of his life somehow. Even if his was Sirius's landlord. Sirius would open the door for that. He would have seen the light of day a lot more.

Remus didn't know what to do. He'd never engaged in eye contact for so long. It felt like there was something unhinged about it but he couldn't know from which one of them is was coming from. It felt like they were evaluating each other and Remus had every reason to hide everything but Sirius had gotten there first. His eyes were constantly tired. He was sure of Sirius picked that out. He felt scrutinised but in the very best way. He was used to talking, getting to know a person and it had never started like this. He didn't remember Sirius as the type to do things like this otherwise he would crossed paths with him sooner. Remus wondered if it would have been the same in high school. He didn't think so. It was different. They were different. What was worse about it was that Remus didn't know what they were sharing. Sirius was into drama. Remus wouldn't be hooked into it if Sirius asked him. He already felt unstable.

Sirius came around. "Nibbles?" he darted off to the table.

Remus waited, dazed.

Sirius came back. "Now tell me your name."

Remus wondered when it would come back to that. "Remus."

Sirius smiled radiantly like it was the best news he'd heard all day. Remus was constantly being tested by Sirius's reactions.

Sirius leaned back in his chair and folded his legs. "Remus. Rem-y Rem-y Remus." he sounded it in his mouth and rubbed his teeth with his tongue and pulling out a stray crumb. "Remus." he said gently. He raised his arm onto the table and turned to his best angle and rested his chin on his head.

"I'm afraid I can't talk to you now. Because you didn't know." Remus teased. He pretended to shift to leave. Sirius's hand grabbed onto Remus like Sirius was scared something was going to get him if he left. He didn't expect it because he was playing with Sirius and Remus was alarmed that him leaving had an effect. If he were to guess correctly is that Sirius lived a very isolated life and Remus felt to blame. Remus kept his arm in Sirius's. It was childish to think but if he had only gotten past his anxiety he would have been someone Sirius would still have. Remus felt ill that either one of them might not have accepted the reunion invitation.

Remus wouldn't to lay down some structure. He was afraid they wouldn't have half as long as he wanted to get to know him. Sirius was currently looking mortified but Remus's apparent lack of wanting to leave and omniscient, understanding lips were incentive to calm down. Remus knew that he won and Sirius was fine and it made Sirius feel very attracted to him that it made Remus's lips quirk in happiness and approval.

Remus leaned in parodying small talk. "The school lunches…they were horrible, weren't they?"

Sirius laughed in a way that he hadn't laughed in a long time. The whole room threatened to look at them but Sirius was throbbing with laughter and Remus was looking, pleased but nervous he would have a lot to live up to after Sirius's reaction like they had always been compatible.

"The oranges weren't bad."

"God, I hate oranges. I went after the apples but they were popular. I was not."

Sirius plummeted into laughter again. He couldn't believe he was laughing about fruit but everything seemed funnier than it used to. He was right. The apples were always gone.

"I'm afraid then that we're doomed we're mortal enemies because I usually took the bags with the apples."

Remus looked crestfallen and acted disappointed. "You? I thought you were better than depriving the inadequates of vitamin c. I was a skeleton. You could very well have had my death on your hands."

Sirius laughed harder. "You won't like to know that me and my sinner friend James didn't eat them as much as we used them for carving rude words and rolling down corridors."

"Ah so it was you who was in charge of the great peel throwing event of 1975."

"I think of it more as inspired."

"Influenced minors."

"Such is the life of a role model. It is a heavy burden."

Their eyes met.

"I don't condemn it."

"I wouldn't expect it. I'm rather liking our difference in opinion. I'm not used to not being agreed with. It's giving me tingles in a naughty place."

Remus quickly looked around in case somebody was listening in to their conversation. "Don't play games with me. You're forever in detention in my mind. It can tingle all it likes."

Sirius grinned and Remus leaned back again.

"Has anyone ever told you you have the aura of a teacher?"

"Not in those exact words but I definitely consider myself here to teach you so civil courtesy and how to act in public."

"You don't even know the half of what I'm not ashamed to do in public." Sirius began to move provocatively towards him.

"Stop it now."

Sirius laughed and sipped more from Remus's now cold tea.

"What did you think about Mrs Dooley? Cracked the whip a bit, didn't she?"

Remus gave him a look. "She was a lovely woman. She had a lot of stick from people like you."

"She confiscated too much and didn't love enough." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows. "She would have seen my soul shines like gold."

"Silver."

"Cold words. Has our love story grown cold like Mrs Dooley in her coffin?"

Remus eye's widened. There was no way he could respond decently.

"I wasn't aware."

"See? I was obviously the more dedicated fan."

"If you carry on you might be close to telling her than you think."

Sirius grinned cockily. "Before I go I'd at least like a kiss and some chips if you're offering before you bury me."

Remus's face was unreadable but his eyes gave him away. "I'm not offering."

Sirius was the first to notice a woman who had wondered over. She was wearing a floral dress and a nervous frown. "Remus Lupin?"

Remus had things to think about. He was getting along well with Sirius and the way they were going it could lead somewhere very quickly and he really didn't know him. Remus looked at the girl dotingly but lit up when he caught on to who it was. "Daisy. Sirius, this is Daisy. Believe it or not, she taught me maths." Sirius watched Daisy warily as she extended her hand. He didn't respond so she took it back.

"I just thought I'd come and say hi so hi! It's nice to see you again. Your hair's the same. You need to do something with it. I'm married now." she flashed a ring. Sirius relaxed. "Yeah, I know. Shocking, huh? I still think I have some books you let me borrow. Would you want them…?"

Remus could feel Sirius had taken off his shoes and was rubbing his own under the table.

"No Daisy, that won't be necessary."

"OK! Well it was nice catching up. Here's to next time!"

Remus kept a cool head until she had gone. Daisy had slipped his mind but she had never been a friend and what Sirius was doing was more than friendly. How could Sirius tell his sexual orientation? What is it the way he was or did Sirius chance it? Remus was fairly sure it was the latter. He wouldn't think any less but Remus wasn't helping himself by how arousing he found Sirius's forwardness. He'd never experienced anything like that and he wasn't trained to know how to go about it and he could see that Sirius was very aware.

Sirius might've been embarrassed if he stopped to think but there really wasn't any thinking involved every time he took in an image of Remus in front of him. He was acting like an animal. Nobody tolerated him like this. Sirius wanted to talk about memories, Sirius wanted to talk about where he could have found him, where he could have protected him from harm. Sirius wanted to know what Remus had thought and when, what side of the corridor he walked on. He wanted everything and he couldn't ask it. Remus had an uncanny way of looking like he could read him. He knew. He felt the same. Sirius knew that much. It was odd; two grown men attaching over a dead and closed section of life. It was opening up like tulips in Holland and Sirius felt like he was circling like a blade on a windmill and he wouldn't be afraid to spew that rubbish either.

Remus coughed, smiling and pushing over the tea by the saucer. "Since you've drunk more than I have it's only suitable that you finish it."

Sirius laughed. "Don't try and give me your leftovers."

"You take what you take but not when you're told?"

Sirius's grin was lopsided his legs open and resting on the chair legs. "Exactly."

Remus thought of something to catch Sirius out. "Were you told to be here?"

"A polite but pleading request that tore at my heart. It's a present from me to them. I don't know how they would have done it if I wasn't here."

Remus smiled. "What would they have done."

Sirius become more somber. He built up the courage to finally say it. "What would you have done?" It wasn't a self centred question. What Sirius really wanted is to have an insight of how Remus's life went and if it had been changed.

Remus was intent on finding the most honest answer he could muster. He was meditative as he found words. "I would have been disappointed. I came looking for something to today and if I hadn't find it I'm sure it would have been expected." he paused, Sirius was hanging on to his words. "I would have gone home." he explained. "I would have sat down. I would have asked myself why I went in the first place-"

Sirius leaped up and pressed his lips to Remus pulling him violently to his mouth. Remus was stiff but he slackened. He smelled of bookshop floors and pine cones. Bookshop floors and pine cones that were rabid grabbing tightly onto Sirius.

It was as it had been back then not being noticed and getting a lot done. Remus was unbalanced. It kept being hit with shivers. What he had said was just a sentence. It was his life that Sirius was reacting to. His voice was barely there. "Maybe we should leave."

Sirius was out of the door before Remus could acknowledge it. This was not a service and this was not a one night stand waiting to happen. He would make that clear. Remus could not take that kind of lifestyle but there was something very permanent about Sirius's speech and movements. This was not a ritual but it also wasn't a cry for help. Sirius made choices and he made them well. Remus wasn't worried and he'd never be, as it turned out.


End file.
